[her eyes were down on her hands, running her thumb along a scaly knuckle. the movement of his shadow catches her peripheral vision and brings her attention up at the question.]
You may. Whether or not I answer is another thing entirely, of course.
...Why did you let me in here? I mean...we have a bit of a history of...[Fireworks? No that implies something...well, she did kiss him last time...]
[And as much as he wants to make the joke, he doesn't want to be ejected from this haven this very moment.]
...Loud disagreements. You had no reason to let me in here...in fact, you could correctly think that this might be some ploy or...or trap. But...you let me in...
Sometimes you act like you know more about me than I know about myself...
[they sit right in front of the hearth, but Cecelia suddenly feels so very cold.
her eyes stay fixed on the flames, her element, even as her expression grows more withdrawn.
after a minute or so:]
I knew you once. A very long time ago. You were someone very dear to me.
[when she blinks again, she does feel tears and huffs gently, unlacing her fingers and gently dabs them away. stupid.
briskly, shaking her head:] But that doesn't apply here in this realm. No one else remembers that time, so I've concluded this one is a kind of...splinter or alter.
So it's technically not that I know you, but I know a you.
[she turns her head so she can't even see him in her peripheral, her voice cracking a bit in places, dictating the level of volume she can speak.]
Certainly. There are many, many variables. The notion is quite boggling, frankly, and I lack the proper dowsing tools to confirm one way or another, so anything I say beyond that is pure speculation.
[she doesn't answer, just sitting as still as she can possibly manage, the only giveaway that she's not turned to stone is an occasional quiet gulp so she can recompose and force the impassiveness of her expression.]
[with a vague scoff in her voice:] Why, indeed. I could write novels on that for all the good it does.
[she shakes her head, looking back over, fresh tracks for tears streaking her cheeks, unchecked, even as she keeps her stoic countenance. eyes betray everything, though.]
Darin, telling you those sorts of things will add nothing but burden to you. Do you think I wish to do that?
[his laugh makes her ears burn and her pulse quicken again. despite everything, despite her mindful efforts to be above her feelings, she sure as hell is in them.
she kind of deserves it, considering the hubris she had in bringing him in here.
she keeps her head turned as she listens to him, unmoving.
So...I guess I owe you two debts today. One for pulling me out of the rain so I can warm up and one for...well, helping me to remember that I'm me, no matter where I am.
[He looks her way, offering a smile, when he notices she's not looking at him. Something stirs inside of him and before he's realized it, he's craning his neck around to offer her an affectionate kiss on her cheek.]
And one more for making me realize that...maybe there's more to this world than working all the time. That I'm not always alone.
[so much for being statue still; that "and one more" part gets drowned out by Cece's brain immediately set into overload as she goes bright red, eyes wide as she whips her head around to gape at him.]
Ha-hhow-how are-?! Y-! Don't! Patronize me like that!
[she grimaces, needing to swallow against a pain in her throat.]
But you don't even...know me.
[there's the rub, right? she gets to stand around remembering while no one else does -- even people she cares about. loves, even! she wasn't supposed to wind up like this -- she's only half an elf. but life and circumstance has led her to outliving her elvish kin twofold, and her with none of the hereditary tricks to cope with a long memory and burdened heart.
she bites the inside of her cheek to keep another outburst in check, shaking her head.]
No. No, that may as well be so. So be it. That may be all I can do, then, and at least that's... [eugh. she huffs feebly, unable to finish that miserable thought, hating the very notion.]
[gods damn her voice and the stupid little waver in it; she can't stand the frailty it conveys. as if to compensate for her sake, the flames in the heart heave a bit before settling back to its natural state.]
That isn't...very fair. Actually, it isn't fair at all. Don't you realize that?
then recoils to pinch the bridge of her nose and wipe at her face.
he hasn't changed and he's still so stupid.]
Because. [...] Because, it... [...........nrgh. she pinches a little harder, until it hurts, then straightens, head up, hands tightly folding in her lap. be a goddamn elf.]
Because...it puts the burden of expectation on you. Unduly. As I already have... [BE AN ELF!!!] Feelings. In your regard. The dynamic is unbalanced. I tell you, I will not bear the weight of an apology for you simply not knowing anything you weren't meant to know, regardless of what I may want.
[her eyes narrow. she'd say try me, bitch but she really doesn't want him to try, she's having a hard time here, why can't he put a shirt on.]
Quite a bold assumption for someone under the thumb of a would-be emperor. It stands as much to reason I'll have to watch you vanish yet again, no longer safely detached.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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You may. Whether or not I answer is another thing entirely, of course.
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But...I guess I want to know...
...Why did you let me in here? I mean...we have a bit of a history of...[Fireworks? No that implies something...well, she did kiss him last time...]
[And as much as he wants to make the joke, he doesn't want to be ejected from this haven this very moment.]
...Loud disagreements. You had no reason to let me in here...in fact, you could correctly think that this might be some ploy or...or trap. But...you let me in...
Sometimes you act like you know more about me than I know about myself...
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her eyes stay fixed on the flames, her element, even as her expression grows more withdrawn.
after a minute or so:]
I knew you once. A very long time ago. You were someone very dear to me.
[when she blinks again, she does feel tears and huffs gently, unlacing her fingers and gently dabs them away. stupid.
briskly, shaking her head:] But that doesn't apply here in this realm. No one else remembers that time, so I've concluded this one is a kind of...splinter or alter.
So it's technically not that I know you, but I know a you.
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[He pivots her way as he attempts to process what she's saying.]
You're saying there's multiple versions of 'me' out there? Infinite Darin Altways?
[Did the universe just shudder?]
[Regardless, he plows forward.]
But...how do you know that the me you knew and I are the same? I mean...there's gotta be differences, right?
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Certainly. There are many, many variables. The notion is quite boggling, frankly, and I lack the proper dowsing tools to confirm one way or another, so anything I say beyond that is pure speculation.
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...[How dear?] What happened to that version of me?
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[she doesn't answer, just sitting as still as she can possibly manage, the only giveaway that she's not turned to stone is an occasional quiet gulp so she can recompose and force the impassiveness of her expression.]
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He uh...He didn't make it, did he...
[He rubs the back of his head awkwardly.]
I guess that explains some things, though. Like why I feel so comfortable around you.
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He was alive. Last I saw him. Alive, fine.
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[she shakes her head, looking back over, fresh tracks for tears streaking her cheeks, unchecked, even as she keeps her stoic countenance. eyes betray everything, though.]
Darin, telling you those sorts of things will add nothing but burden to you. Do you think I wish to do that?
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[He offers a lopsided smile.]
Seriously...you should open up more. Loosen up.
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You never change.
[it's both wonderful and terrible and she kind of wants to die.]
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[Before either of them realizes, he busts out laughing. It's a hearty, pleasant laugh; almost relieved.]
...Ah man, Lady Ardenbury, you have no idea how much I needed that.
If I never change that means nothing's different about me now. It means I'm not messed up or anything...!
Besides...I guess that just means I don't know how to be anyone else but me. So...thanks for reminding me of that...
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she kind of deserves it, considering the hubris she had in bringing him in here.
she keeps her head turned as she listens to him, unmoving.
quietly:] Of course.
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[He looks her way, offering a smile, when he notices she's not looking at him. Something stirs inside of him and before he's realized it, he's craning his neck around to offer her an affectionate kiss on her cheek.]
And one more for making me realize that...maybe there's more to this world than working all the time. That I'm not always alone.
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Ha-hhow-how are-?! Y-! Don't! Patronize me like that!
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Having someone who knows me here? Knows the real me?
It's...comforting.
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[she grimaces, needing to swallow against a pain in her throat.]
But you don't even...know me.
[there's the rub, right? she gets to stand around remembering while no one else does -- even people she cares about. loves, even! she wasn't supposed to wind up like this -- she's only half an elf. but life and circumstance has led her to outliving her elvish kin twofold, and her with none of the hereditary tricks to cope with a long memory and burdened heart.
she bites the inside of her cheek to keep another outburst in check, shaking her head.]
No. No, that may as well be so. So be it. That may be all I can do, then, and at least that's... [eugh. she huffs feebly, unable to finish that miserable thought, hating the very notion.]
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You're right...I don't know you.
But...I'd very much like the opportunity to get to...
[There he goes again with that almost lethal level of earnestness in his voice and displayed all over his face.]
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[gods damn her voice and the stupid little waver in it; she can't stand the frailty it conveys. as if to compensate for her sake, the flames in the heart heave a bit before settling back to its natural state.]
That isn't...very fair. Actually, it isn't fair at all. Don't you realize that?
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What's wrong?
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then closes it.
then recoils to pinch the bridge of her nose and wipe at her face.
he hasn't changed and he's still so stupid.]
Because. [...] Because, it... [...........nrgh. she pinches a little harder, until it hurts, then straightens, head up, hands tightly folding in her lap. be a goddamn elf.]
Because...it puts the burden of expectation on you. Unduly. As I already have... [BE AN ELF!!!] Feelings. In your regard. The dynamic is unbalanced. I tell you, I will not bear the weight of an apology for you simply not knowing anything you weren't meant to know, regardless of what I may want.
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To which I counter with...if I were so dear to you once, and I'm roughly the same in every incarnation...
Then it stands to reason I'd like you just fine. More than fine, really.
[He leans back and rests his chin in his hand, watching her with a smug little smile.]
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Quite a bold assumption for someone under the thumb of a would-be emperor. It stands as much to reason I'll have to watch you vanish yet again, no longer safely detached.
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