[she lifts her head, eyes big, surprised that he actually agreed so quickly. what about that rotten overlord of his? or whatever dozen-plus duties he might've forgone in his brain fog?
actually, instead of remarking on that, something different strikes her:]
Did you...actually agree to something I asked of you? Without me having to yell or singe you to do so?
...You're you. [a beat, then she sits up, looking down at him, some of her curls still tangled in his fingers or dangling over him.] And what you are to me is...so tangled up in what I knew, that it really isn't fair to say it's what you are. The you of right now.
That's very poetic. [said flatly, but lacking any real bite, because gods dammit, it's actually a good line and it got to her.] But maybe slightly skewed...
[she brings a hand up, gently picking at some of his hair.]
There's always something tangled when it comes to you. [but it could just be hair this time.]
...You know, I used to think that stuff wasn't for me.
[He tilts his head, leaning into her touch. It felt...comforting. He'd never had his hair stroked like this before. It made him surprisingly affectionate. Not only does he lean into her touch but he gathers her closer and nuzzles his head into the crook of her neck.]
I used to think a lot of things weren't for me. But...I suppose since you know me...er...knew me. You know all about where I come from...
[A thought occurs:]
...Does that mean you know what I am? What I was supposed to be...?
[He couldn't fight the hope that found its way into his voice. This world's Darin...he may have known respect and purpose unlike what he'd known in his world...but that one thing still eluded him.]
I never claimed to have a wise heart, Darin. Despite my best efforts to close myself off and give up...well, maybe I'd succeeded until coming to this land. Finding you again. Wanting to not be alone.
[she tenses up a little.]
It's very pathetic in a lot of ways. I won't deny it.
[He's silent for a long time. In fact, with the way his muscles tense periodically, she might mistake it for him being upset or somehow repulsed by the idea.]
[It's only when the tensing of his muscles becomes a little bit more rhythmic that she might sense that something else is amiss. Especially when she might feel something wet on her collarbone, especially since he has long since dried from the rain.]
[Finally, he shakes his head slowly, just enough to deny her claim that it was pathetic.]
[He shakes his head a little more vigorously this time.]
It's just...
...No one's ever...
I never thought anyone would...
[He struggles to find his words, to complete the thought. As if doing so would make all of this vanish. As much as Cecelia is able to see, she might have glossed over that this Darin came here directly from his world where he'd spent a lifetime of thinking he'd never be worth anything to anyone. And while he might have found purpose and respect, albeit warped through his dark master's machinations, the last time he'd experienced anything close to 'love' was so so long ago...]
[It's something he never thought he'd feel again. And maybe, that's why he threw himself into his position so zealously. Because it filled a hole.]
[And so she'll find him clinging tighter to her, his fingers wrapping themselves and clinging desperately to the fabric of her dress, the muscles of his arms tensing like titanium but still refraining from squeezing too hard, ever mindful of her frame. Every action, every movement designed to keep this moment in its entirety out of absolute terror that it could slip away from him.]
[her heart breaks anew, and it's well beyond a wonder how she can endure so much harm for so long. maybe having it all frontloaded like this -- like a human would -- makes it easier to bear? who knows. she can introspect all she wants later, gods know she does that all the time!
she shifts a bit to indulge his grasp, cradling him in her lap, bowed over to rest her head atop his. careful as he clings, she wishes he'd relent a bit and hold a bit tighter; it wouldn't be so bad for it to hurt.
murmuring at his ear:] I've remembered you for hundreds of years. Someone like you...I could never forget. Not ever.
[The words ring in his ears over and over and over.]
['I missed you so much.']
[Never in his life did he ever believe that his absence would leave anyone wanting. Every day he threw himself into his work, and every night he'd return to his quarters satisfied that his work was done, but never once did he believe the citizens of the Empire would miss him. He was more a fixture than a person...something to guarantee stability.]
[A tool.]
[Just like he was a tool back in his world. A tool for potential destruction. A means to an end. Never a person. Never a man who just wanted peace and maybe, just maybe, for someone's heart to find his.]
[This person knew him. It seemed like she knew him better than he even knew himself. Like she knew about all of the dark things in the recesses of his mind. His fears, his insecurities, his wrath. And even so, she still loved him. She missed him. His absence caused her pain.]
[It happens in a bit of a flurry. He reaches up and cups her cheek, then snakes his hand to the back of her head to pull her into a desperate, demanding kiss. One that allows the faintest of sounds escape from his throat as he indulges in this moment. And then finally, with their lips barely parted.]
As long as there's a place for me in your heart...I won't leave...
[Cece sinks into the kiss, as desperate to be loved and wanted herself -- just in her own way. he had no choice in being made a weapon, a tool...she gave into the path willingly, accepting a self-fulfilling prophecy of solitude.
this is still make-believe, isn't it? but it's nice to feel appreciated in this way. it's not that he loves her, of course; how can he? he barely knows her!
but kissing feels good. shame she never let herself indulge before.
as he murmurs those words against her mouth, her heart aches.]
We'll see.
[it's a bit too much to ask of her to truly believe in something he says so certainly, but she can pretend for a little while and ignore the ache in her chest in favor of a kiss.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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after a beat:] Don't leave.
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And I'm happy to do so.
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actually, instead of remarking on that, something different strikes her:]
Did you...actually agree to something I asked of you? Without me having to yell or singe you to do so?
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I guess so.
It helped that you just looked so happy for a change. I couldn't take that away from you.
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[she ducks her head to shield the smile tugging at her mouth, scoffing.]
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[See that, Cecelia? That's called a trap and you walked into it.]
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[oh gods dammit.
well.
WELL, LIKE.
]
...You're you. [a beat, then she sits up, looking down at him, some of her curls still tangled in his fingers or dangling over him.] And what you are to me is...so tangled up in what I knew, that it really isn't fair to say it's what you are. The you of right now.
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...You know, you make it sound like a knot. But you know what it sounds like to me?
It sounds like I'm a lot less tangled and more woven together along with you.
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[she brings a hand up, gently picking at some of his hair.]
There's always something tangled when it comes to you. [but it could just be hair this time.]
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[At least his usual boundless optimism still seems to be in tact.]
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[her fingers carefully comb through his bangs, her expression getting cloudy again.]
They call it "earning your happy ending" in some circles.
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[He tilts his head, leaning into her touch. It felt...comforting. He'd never had his hair stroked like this before. It made him surprisingly affectionate. Not only does he lean into her touch but he gathers her closer and nuzzles his head into the crook of her neck.]
I used to think a lot of things weren't for me. But...I suppose since you know me...er...knew me. You know all about where I come from...
[A thought occurs:]
...Does that mean you know what I am? What I was supposed to be...?
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she makes a faint, affirmative sound.]
I do. It sent you away more than once.
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[He couldn't fight the hope that found its way into his voice. This world's Darin...he may have known respect and purpose unlike what he'd known in his world...but that one thing still eluded him.]
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[she tenses up a little.]
It's very pathetic in a lot of ways. I won't deny it.
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[It's only when the tensing of his muscles becomes a little bit more rhythmic that she might sense that something else is amiss. Especially when she might feel something wet on her collarbone, especially since he has long since dried from the rain.]
[Finally, he shakes his head slowly, just enough to deny her claim that it was pathetic.]
[And he manages to choke out a response.]
...I'm so glad...
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[soft surprise, her ears picking up more than that croak of his voice. her fingers still, herself freezing up with uncertainty.
is he...?]
Why...? Who do you weep for?
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It's just...
...No one's ever...
I never thought anyone would...
[He struggles to find his words, to complete the thought. As if doing so would make all of this vanish. As much as Cecelia is able to see, she might have glossed over that this Darin came here directly from his world where he'd spent a lifetime of thinking he'd never be worth anything to anyone. And while he might have found purpose and respect, albeit warped through his dark master's machinations, the last time he'd experienced anything close to 'love' was so so long ago...]
[It's something he never thought he'd feel again. And maybe, that's why he threw himself into his position so zealously. Because it filled a hole.]
[And so she'll find him clinging tighter to her, his fingers wrapping themselves and clinging desperately to the fabric of her dress, the muscles of his arms tensing like titanium but still refraining from squeezing too hard, ever mindful of her frame. Every action, every movement designed to keep this moment in its entirety out of absolute terror that it could slip away from him.]
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[her heart breaks anew, and it's well beyond a wonder how she can endure so much harm for so long. maybe having it all frontloaded like this -- like a human would -- makes it easier to bear? who knows. she can introspect all she wants later, gods know she does that all the time!
she shifts a bit to indulge his grasp, cradling him in her lap, bowed over to rest her head atop his. careful as he clings, she wishes he'd relent a bit and hold a bit tighter; it wouldn't be so bad for it to hurt.
murmuring at his ear:] I've remembered you for hundreds of years. Someone like you...I could never forget. Not ever.
I missed you so much.
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['I missed you so much.']
[Never in his life did he ever believe that his absence would leave anyone wanting. Every day he threw himself into his work, and every night he'd return to his quarters satisfied that his work was done, but never once did he believe the citizens of the Empire would miss him. He was more a fixture than a person...something to guarantee stability.]
[A tool.]
[Just like he was a tool back in his world. A tool for potential destruction. A means to an end. Never a person. Never a man who just wanted peace and maybe, just maybe, for someone's heart to find his.]
[This person knew him. It seemed like she knew him better than he even knew himself. Like she knew about all of the dark things in the recesses of his mind. His fears, his insecurities, his wrath. And even so, she still loved him. She missed him. His absence caused her pain.]
[It happens in a bit of a flurry. He reaches up and cups her cheek, then snakes his hand to the back of her head to pull her into a desperate, demanding kiss. One that allows the faintest of sounds escape from his throat as he indulges in this moment. And then finally, with their lips barely parted.]
As long as there's a place for me in your heart...I won't leave...
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this is still make-believe, isn't it? but it's nice to feel appreciated in this way. it's not that he loves her, of course; how can he? he barely knows her!
but kissing feels good. shame she never let herself indulge before.
as he murmurs those words against her mouth, her heart aches.]
We'll see.
[it's a bit too much to ask of her to truly believe in something he says so certainly, but she can pretend for a little while and ignore the ache in her chest in favor of a kiss.]